A scandal involving reality TV star Taylor Frankie Paul is getting people talking about a psychological term known as DARVO, a manipulation tactic used by perpetrators of abuse who attempt to make the victims appear like the aggressor. But is throwing around this term highlighting subtle ways in which abuse can operate — or is it reducing serious situations to buzzwords?

Last week, ABC pulled Paul’s season of The Bachelorette just days before it was set to premiere, after a video surfaced of the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star in a 2023 altercation with her then-partner, Dakota Mortensen, with whom she shares a son born in 2024. The video shows Paul hitting, grabbing and throwing barstools at Mortensen, with her daughter nearby.

After the incident, Paul was arrested on domestic violence charges and pleaded guilty to aggravated assault. Paul is currently being investigated for allegations of domestic violence related to other incidents.

The footage has reignited scrutiny of the couple’s volatile, on-again-off-again relationship, which began in 2022 and ended before Paul’s appearance on what would have been the 2026 season of The Bachelorette.

In a statement to People, representatives for Paul said that she suffered “extensive mental and physical abuse as well as threats of retaliation” in her relationship with Mortensen. “There are too many women who are suffering in silence as they survive aggressive, jealous ex-partners who refuse to let them move on with their lives,” they said. “Taylor has remained silent out of fear of further abuse, retaliation, and public shaming. She is currently exploring all of her options, seeking support, and preparing to own and share her story.”

Mortensen, in his own statement, called the situation “deeply upsetting” and denied what he called Paul’s “baseless” claims about their relationship.

Despite not knowing all the details of Paul and Mortensen’s relationship, social media users have continued to try to dissect it  — using their relationship as a jumping-off point to discuss issues of domestic violence. That includes the term DARVO — which stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender” — that is appearing in many social media interpretations of the situation.

Fans online have been accusing both Paul and Mortensen of this manipulation tactic. For many people watching this scandal unfold, it may be their first time encountering DARVO. And while experts say that DARVO and terms related to domestic violence can be helpful to know, without context, they can do more harm than good.

What does DARVO really mean? 

The term DARVO was coined by psychologist Jennifer J. Freyd in 1997, as part of her research into betrayal trauma at the University of Oregon.

Lauren Jessell, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of therapy group ParityWell, explained to Yahoo that the term DARVO is often used interchangeably in today’s society with “gaslighting,” in which a perpetrator of violence makes their victim doubt their own reality. A perpetrator might attack, either physically or emotionally, but then turn around and declare that their victim was really the one to blame.

Jessell says DARVO can be a useful term to illustrate what abuse can look like, and how it can be “turned around on victims,” particularly in situations where the victim may have less social power than the perpetrator.

“Having literacy around what abuse dynamics can look like can be really empowering to make sense of one's experience,” she explained.

Karla Ivankovich, a board-certified clinical counselor and CEO of OnePatient Global Health Initiative in Chicago, told Yahoo that these pop culture conversations can create greater awareness of domestic violence and partner-related harm, which can help people recognize this and identify harmful experiences they may not have understood previously as abuse.

“For survivors, that language can be very, very validating,” she explained. “It can help people realize that what [they] experience isn’t necessarily normal and, at the same time, it can educate the public around what emotional abuse, manipulation, coercion and trauma responses can look like.”

Why experts urge caution around DARVO

Ivankovich warned that, when terms like DARVO pop up consistently in viral pop culture conversations, it can turn “very serious terms into slogans.”

She said that a single video, such as the one circulating of Paul, is rarely enough to apply a term like DARVO responsibly, and reaffirmed that the public has to be “super careful not to confuse viral impressions with clinical conclusions.” She also added that DARVO describes a pattern of behavior — something the general public wouldn’t be able to see.

Therapist and relationship expert Joy Berkheimer, who previously worked in the Miami-Dade State’s Attorney’s Office Domestic Violence Unit, also warned that there is another side to this coin. The more common these terms are, the more likely perpetrators can use them as well, making language like this a “double-edged sword.” Ultimately, in terms of what fans are seeing about Paul and Mortensen, she says, she “doesn’t think there's really a way for anybody outside of that relationship to actually assess what is the truth.”

Berkheimer said that’s why terms like DARVO are important, so that a professional will “be able to intervene and to assess who is in danger” — not for people to make judgments on social media.